Teenagers, just by existing, generate and live within their own spheres of incredible stress. The origins of their stress are mostly in biology. The hormones rage and fluctuate, almost moment by moment and they never have a sense of personal self-control (usually because they don't). Their behaviors take wide swings along with that personal chemistry. Adults and peers watch with incredulity and/or react with emotional bonds that try the patience and tolerance of a saint.The sweet, cuddly child disappears around the age of 11-13 years and their body becomes occupied by a being alien to anyone you previously knew. Almost simultaneously, that individual you used to love and adore now manages to pull off behaviors, attitudes, and moments of awareness that could be either those of an elderly relative and a preschooler. They enter the vortex of being another species to the one who cohabited with you for more than a decade.
The worst moments of dealing with teenagers tend to be when adults set limits, often seemingly arbitrarily, and are rigid in enforcing consequences. Teens need some latitude, otherwise they will overtly rebel against anything that parents set as a limitations or rules.
The Bad News
Your child is clueless about what (s)he says and does and how it affects you. Eyeballs roll, hands go on hips and tones of voice are sarcastic or snotty. Petty comments blurt from their mouths. Chores and homework are burdens that usually remain undone. Bedrooms become garbage pits or at least laundry rooms. Sibling rivalry doesn't touch the arguments and digs made to younger siblings. The favorite pass times are: eating and sleeping; emailing, texting and talking on the phone with friends (preferably using a cell phone with minutes you must pay for); and spending hours on Facebook with friends they just spent the day with at school. The least favorite people in the world (other than younger siblings) are parents, especially mothers who hug, kiss or say the word "love in front of their friends and generally exist to embarrass them at any given moment. Girls shriek and sulk, boys become sullen and defiant. It is the time during which you want to find a vacation home and move out without them. And the worst part of it? It goes on seemingly forever, especially if you have ones that follow right along on the heels of the oldest!
The Good News
Yes, there is good news, and sometimes you have to keep on remembering that it is there but hidden somewhere at the moment. Adolescents can be reasoned with - they actually prefer being reasoned with instead of being given directions like a young child. The more calm and reasonable you are, the better their behavior will be (and less for you to react to).
They want to hear your reasons because they no longer view parents as infallible and omnipotent. They want to make decisions for themselves, and your reasoning often helps guide them during processes they are experimenting with. Fathers used to be "sideline" parents, those to go to when mom didn't meet their needs. This is the time period when fathers become much more important because they tend to deal with situations less emotionally than do mothers who feel rejected and unwanted (and frustrated with insolent behaviors).
Teens need to know they are loved and respected as individuals, preferably as "adults". When adults reason with them and let them make decisions (usually controlled ones with minimal consequences), it helps them feel that they have some control over their lives. The more often adults can identify the problems in calm, clear terms and then help them identify the options they have.
Adults become so accustomed to making all the decisions and giving directions that they forget to help their children learn to make their own choices and decisions. Teaching them these skills should not begin when they are teens but when they are children. There are many incremental steps that need to be mastered before anyone is fully competent at decision making.
We need to remember that each of us has made poor choices and bad decisions, so the learning has to start sometime. Those "alien beings" will grow out of this phase of development and become amazingly incredible "near-adults" about the age of 16. In no time at all, they are 18 and making all their own choices and decisions. Hopefully, you will have given them the firm foundation they need.
Jennifer Little, Ph.D.
All children can succeed in school. Parents can help their children by teaching the foundational skills that schools presume children have. Without the foundation for schools' academic instruction, children needlessly struggle and/or fail. Their future becomes affected because they then believe they are less than others, not able to succeed or achieve or provide for themselves or their families. Visit http://parentsteachkids.com to learn how to directly help your child and http://easyschoolsuccess.com to learn what is needed for education reform efforts to be successful.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jennifer_Little All children can succeed in school. Parents can help their children by teaching the foundational skills that schools presume children have. Without the foundation for schools' academic instruction, children needlessly struggle and/or fail. Their future becomes affected because they then believe they are less than others, not able to succeed or achieve or provide for themselves or their families. Visit http://parentsteachkids.com to learn how to directly help your child and http://easyschoolsuccess.com to learn what is needed for education reform efforts to be successful.
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